It is the phrase that all of us with chronic illnesses want to shout, scream, and cry. "Why me?"  "Why did this happen to me?"   More than once I have been guilty of yelling it at the stars, as if they would rearrange to give me a good answer.  Unfortunately, I still don't have one.  But I have decided that having hours, or sometimes a day or two, of being in the "why me" mode is OK.  Being diagnosed with a chronic illness, especially one that is progressive, is a huge change for anyone.  I went from being a marathon runner to a slow walker (and some days a non-walker), and from being "top of the class" intelligent to a person with massive brain fog, memory issues, and other cognitive problems.  So, yes, the "why me" days are inevitable.  They will happen, and when then do, relish in them briefly.

I say briefly, because the problem with the "why me" mindset is that it tends to linger and we begin to wallow in it.  The longer we feel sorry for ourselves, the harder it is to break that thought cycle.  I now put a time limit on my wallowing.  If I feel like absolute crap one day, well, then I have that day to curse and moan at the world.  However, I need to start looking on the bright side of things by that evening or the next morning by the very latest.  (There are some exceptions to this rule--like the time I had a chest tube for three days.  I cursed the world the entire time and I would do the same again.)  I feel like this outlook keeps me sane and optimistic, regardless of what I'm up against.  

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