I hate cancelling plans.  I absolutely despise having to make the call (or send an email) in order to let someone down.  It makes me feel like a huge disappointment of a person.  My other choice is to simply  not make plans at all, but then I begin to feel like a hermit.  If I have something on my schedule, that means I'm not turning into a recluse, right?

I find myself in the cancelling conundrum all too often.  My close friends and family know of my condition, although some do not know of the extent of my disability.  How to tell them why I need to cancel without scaring them?  Or making them feel like they need to visit and take care of me?  Being honest is important, but sometimes I don't want to reveal all of my personal information (TMI much?).  I also don't want to trivialize what is happening.  I feel like I'm am constantly doing a delicate balancing act to keep people informed, yet protected.  And that state of being is lonely.  

My balancing act applies not only with the making and breaking of plans; I do this for all aspects of sharing my life with EDS.  I will always tell people enough so that our relationship can function; however, I keep much of what I'm going through to myself.  Even my husband does not know 100%--I will always withhold some information.  I do this in order to protect him and his mental state (he really doesn't need to know how many times things dislocated today) and to keep my independence (if he did know everything, he would be afraid to let me do anything).  

This balancing act probably sounds insane to the majority of people.  But, I expect for those with chronic illness, it will sound familiar.  I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

11/12/2013 02:26:13 am

I do exactly the same, I tell to my family things are better than they actually are, to protect them : it would be useless for them to know how painful it feels. For the moment my friends are so good to me, they understand and help.

12/16/2013 01:11:12 am

This is one of the hardest things I have to deal with, and you explain it so beautifully. I'm a tragic people pleaser, and as such, letting people down is so upsetting. The worst of it is. People have started not inviting me because of the amount of times I've cancelled in the past.......
As if I needed anything more to hate my HMS.... :(
I just hope my nearest and dearest don't stop including me in things.


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